


Love

by jenjaemrens



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Jaemin cries, Jeno is stuck, M/M, Mess, Noren, Renjun is sad, except for norenmin other characters have only slight or no part, has fluff at first, renmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 00:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16505759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenjaemrens/pseuds/jenjaemrens
Summary: It was love that hurts you the most





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> For EJ who insisted on reading an angst even though I am terrible at it

They were happy. They were perfect. 

 

They met when they were young. One lonely and the other one full of bright smiles and kindness and extended a hand of friendship towards them. They were the best of friends. You couldn’t see one without the other. 

 

It was always Jaemin and Renjun. 

 

‘You’re meant to be.’

 

‘Just date already you guys act like you’re dating.’

 

At first they brushed it off with a laugh. They were just friends after all. It’s nothing more than that.

 

But then it changed one day when Renjun started laughing at something Jaemin said and the sunlight hit his face and made him glow like an angel. Jaemin couldn’t breathe after that. He could feel his heart pounding faster and the blood rushing to his cheeks making him blush as he stared at Renjun. His best friend Renjun who looked so beautiful when he laughed.

 

Jaemin says that’s when he fell in love with Renjun. But then again he wonders if he was always in love with him and that was when he realised it.

 

Renjun was better than Jaemin. He knew his own feelings and he came to term with it the moment when he started to exaggerate his laugh because it made Jaemin happy that he could make Renjun laugh. It was silly. It was stupid.

 

But Renjun was in love with a boy with a sunshine smile.

 

When Jaemin asked Renjun out (after Donghyuck hit him for ignoring Renjun after his little realisation) the older boy was ecstatic, nervous and clueless. Jaemin wasn’t any better. 

 

Their first date was messy with a bad weather which caused the amusement park to close down for the day and then they got drenched because their umbrella got blown away. But with the hot chocolate in hand and the shy smiles at each other made it better. And later when Jaemin dropped Renjun off at his doorstep with a sweet little peck on his lips it didn’t matter to Renjun that their date was drenched and that he would get cold the very next day.

 

Not when Jaemin smiled like that and kissed him.

 

Their relationship was rocky in the beginning. They were friends for so long and they didn’t know how to be more. Was it okay to hold the hand of your best friend now turned boyfriend? How do you do it? How do you hug them and not feel weird? How do you kiss them? They were dating but they were friends too. How do you cross it?

 

It was messy. It was weird. But they were two sixteen year olds in love with each other. The shy hand holdings were normal and soon enough Renjun found himself pressed against the cold lockers when the hallway was empty with his hands tangled in the younger boy’s hair as the latter kissed him like it was the last time they would ever kiss.

 

It was intoxicating and they were both high on the feeling. 

 

They made it as the couple most likely to stay together till death do them part. It was a silly high school vote but it made Jaemin giddy at the thought of him and Renjun being together until they were old. Maybe sitting in the garden watching their grandchildren play. Did Renjun even want kids? 

 

Donghyuck smacked him again when he heard Jaemin say all these.

 

“Don’t scare him! You’re both still so young! Silly nana.”

 

But Jaemin never denied he was silly. After all everyone was silly when they were in love. 

 

They both sighed in relief and hugged each other when they found out they were going to the same university. Even though they would have different majors with Renjun studying art while Jaemin studied as a dance major. They’d also live separately since Renjun wanted his own space for his art but he promised Jaemin that he would always be available for cuddles unless he had exams. 

 

But at least they were together and that’s all that mattered.

 

University came with difficulties. It was hard. There were days when Renjun broke down when he was painting because he was so stressed and he missed Jaemin a lot. But then there were days when he could freely go over to Jaemin for cuddles and kisses and all was well.

 

Renjun loved Jaemin and his sunshine smile so much. Nothing could ever make Renjun happier than being with Jaemin.

 

And then it changed.

 

Donghyuck started dating someone. A senior from the basketball team who most thought was a straight, awkward guy but turns out he was just awkward because of Donghyuck. With Mark Lee came his friends Jisung, Chenle and his cousin Jeno. 

 

Lee Jeno with an adorable eye smile and a cute laugh and even more beautiful face that it made one question if he was real. And he took Renjun’s breath away when they met for the first time. Renjun felt like his heart stopped when Jeno smiled at him and greeted him.

 

“Hi I am Jeno.”

 

“I-I’m Renjun.”

 

“Nice to meet you Renjun.”

 

Jaemin wraps his arms around Renjun and greets Jeno with a warm smile and the older boy feels guilty for thinking that Jeno makes his name sound beautiful.

 

Jaemin was glad to welcome four new people in their circle of friends. Specially Jeno who was their age and seemed friendly. He was studying business and he got into the university with a sports scholarship like his cousin. Mark and Jeno insisted they come to see them play. Renjun was hesitating but Jaemin convinced him. They should of course go to support their new friends. 

 

And so come Friday the three friends along with Chenle made their way to the court where they watched their friends play. Donghyuck, Jaemin and Chenle cheered loudly for their friends and boyfriends while Renjun politely clapped whenever they scored. Jaemin blamed it on the fact that Renjun wasn’t interested in sports but it was because he felt guilty. He loved Jaemin so much this was wrong. 

 

‘It’s okay. It was nothing. It really was nothing. So don’t worry Renjun. You still love Jaemin.’

 

He pushed away the negative thoughts with that and focused more on his boyfriend. And for a while everything went well. They went better than it usually did. More dates. More kisses. More sleepovers. It was Jaemin and Renjun as always.

 

They still hung out with Mark and his friends and grew close with them except for Jeno and Renjun. He tended to avoid Jeno when they were all together. It wasn’t exactly unnoticeable but no one voiced it out until one day when Jeno asked if he could speak to Renjun alone.

 

“Did I offend you in any way? I am sorry if I-”

 

“No no! Don’t! I’m the silly one. Hah consider me a bit insecure?”

 

“Well still I feel like I should apologise. And if you don’t want to befriend me-”

 

“No! I do! I just don’t know how?”

 

“Well then let’s start from the beginning?” Jeno held out his hand and smiled at Renjun. “Hello Renjun it’s nice to meet you my name is Jeno.” 

 

Renjun smiled at him and shook the smiling boy’s hand pushing the negative thoughts away. Friends. They could be friends. 

 

And initially that’s what they were. Jeno was someone he could talk to about art because Jeno’s parents loved collecting works by famous painters. They also had most of their breaks during the same time and so they were the only ones who were together at the cafeteria waiting for the others. 

 

Jeno would deny that he hated it when the others joined the both of them interrupting their talks. He envied it when Renjun laughed with the others and talked with them and not him. He hated how he kept on thinking about how beautiful the boy looked when he talked about art or the book he was reading. Jeno hated that he couldn’t help but like Renjun more and more.

 

It was wrong. He was dating someone else but Jeno couldn’t help himself.

 

Jaemin was glad that Renjun was making more friends. He wanted Renjun to be surrounded by people and he wanted to see him happy. Perhaps he should have noticed how Renjun seemed happier when Jeno was around them.

 

Renjun didn’t know how it started. But he realised it when he and Jeno were having their usual talks about how stressful their classes were. Well Jeno was the one talking and Renjun was too busy staring at Jeno and thinking about how beautiful he looked and what would it be like to kiss him. He snapped out of it soon enough and rushed out without saying a word to Jeno.

 

Of course Jeno ran after him asking what was wrong but the boy didn’t answer. Not until Jeno finally caught up to him and forced Renjun to look at him.

 

“Renjun what’s wr-”

 

He didn’t mean to. He really didn’t. But here was a boy who ran after him because he was worried for him. And he was so achingly beautiful that Renjun pulled him down and kissed him. Hard.

 

Renjun pushed him away a second later, horrified at his actions and runs away. It was a four day break and he goes back home turning off his phone and begging his mother to keep everyone out. He couldn’t face anyone. Specially not Jaemin after his betrayal. They’d been dating for three years. He loved Jaemin.

 

But it wasn’t Jaemin he was thinking of. It was Lee Jeno with a stupidly adorable eye smile and his cute habits of dabbing when he sneezes, looking the other way and laughing as if he wasn’t scared of the horror movie they were watching and cheering himself up before his games. Renjun didn’t realise he stopped thinking about Jaemin and instead thought about Jeno more often now.

 

The realisation was like someone threw a bucket of cold water on him and Renjun broke down. Jaemin didn’t deserve this. It was supposed to be them and Renjun was supposed to love Jaemin only. 

 

But he couldn’t stop thinking about Jeno with a pretty eye smile who loved his cats even though he was allergic to them and loved music. He couldn’t help but look at the group photos he had in his room to just look at Jeno.

 

It was stupid. It was wrong.

 

But Renjun couldn’t help himself from running his finger on the glass frame and thinking about how soft Jeno’s lips were on his.

 

He made a promise. He wouldn’t be alone with Jeno again. He couldn’t trust himself around Jeno and he had Jaemin. Beautiful, kind, loving Na Jaemin who dropped flowers at his house everyday along with small notes telling how much he missed Renjun.

 

Jaemin who was so worried about Renjun that he dropped by his house at least twice every day to see if he could see the boy. But everytime he was turned away. He wanted to take care of Renjun and hug him and kiss him. He didn’t care if he got sick as well. He just wanted to see Renjun again. 

 

So when he came to Renjun’s house on the fourth day and he was allowed upstairs he ran. He thought that Renjun would laugh when he sees the younger boy and would then proceed to tease him about his regular visiting antics but it surprised him when Renjun was the one who hugged him.

 

What truly worried Jaemin was how he started crying and kept on repeating his name. Renjun was never like this. They’ve been friends for five years and dating for three and this was the first time he was acting in such a way. Jaemin led Renjun to his bed and held him until the boy stopped crying. 

 

It was a comforting feeling for both of them lying in the bed together all cuddled up. Renjun fit in perfectly and Jaemin loved the feeling of the older boy in his arms. He had his injun back and nothing else mattered.

 

School started soon enough the next day and they were all busy with their upcoming exams. Renjun was thankful for the work since it kept certain thoughts away and only Jaemin was allowed to see him during the exam week because he was the only one who could handle Renjun’s panic state. 

 

Jaemin was happy to help Renjun in whatever way he could. Seeing he was done with his part of his studies he was doing whatever he could do to make sure Renjun didn’t reach his breaking point. There wasn’t anything Jaemin wouldn’t do for Renjun.

 

The exams week passed and Renjun only cried once.

 

And then came the day when they all would hang out together. Renjun had been ignoring Jeno whenever they were together and every time the dark haired boy tried to corner him alone he fled. He didn’t want to be reminded of what happened. He didn’t need the constant reminder that he betrayed Jaemin shoved at his face constantly.

 

Jaemin insisted that Renjun join them. Added with Donghyuck guilt tripping him he agreed to go. He’d be fine after all he had Jaemin by his side who looked with beautiful with his pink hair. He’d be fine because Jaemin was holding and showering him occasional pecks. He’d be fine because he cared about Jaemin.

 

But then he wasn’t because Jeno entered the pub looking so beautiful it hurt to look at him. He wasn’t fine because Jeno looked straight at him with such a look that he had to turn away because he could feel his eyes tearing up.

 

Jeno would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt him everytime Renjun turned away from him. He wanted to talk. He just wanted to talk to the boy and resolve it because he didn’t like betraying Jaemin either. Even though seeing them together felt like someone was stabbing Jeno. It was an irrational feeling he’d learn to live with if that meant he could have Renjun back in his life.

 

Jaemin remained blissfully unknown to whatever was going through the mind of two people who mattered to him a lot.

 

They laughed. They talked. They shouted. They were a group of people who finally were done with their exams and now had a break.

 

It was fun until they all went to dance and sing leaving Renjun and Jeno alone. If their friends paid attention they’d notice the tension between the duo. So they were left alone. Tensed, both of them ignored the other not knowing what to say.

 

One ached to talk to the other while the other was torn between wanting to leave or in the very least acknowledge him.

 

He chose the former.

 

Shooting a quick text at Jaemin saying he was tired and he was going home adding that he didn’t need anyone else to go with him Renjun got up and left.

 

He didn’t need to look back to know that Jeno was following him. Perhaps if he ignored it then Jeno would leave.

 

He underestimated the boy who kept on following him until it was too much for Renjun.

 

“Please please go away.”

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“There is nothing to talk about.”

 

“Renjun please don’t turn away from me. Please look at me.”

 

But Renjun didn’t look at him. He kept on walking ahead and this time the other boy didn’t follow him. 

 

Jeno stood there in the cold winter air as the boy who meant everything to him now was walking away and he wondered if it was his fault. 

 

Every step Renjun took forward reminded him of every second he spent with Jeno. They’d known each other for few months and yet it felt like he had always known him. His lame jokes, the fact that he was funny when he wasn’t even trying, his love for music and the time when he played the guitar for Renjun. 

 

Jeno didn’t notice him until he the boy was in front of him and pulled him again.

 

And so Renjun broke his promise as he kissed Jeno in the middle of the streets in the cold winter air while a few streets away Jaemin laughed as he watched Mark and Donghyuck argue.

 

And this time when they broke apart Renjun didn’t leave. He held Jeno close.

 

It was wrong but it felt so right. Holding Jeno’s hands when they were together, touching him and kissing him. It felt so right. His hands were warm and Renjun never wanted to let it go. He was being reckless but what’s love without being a bit wild?

 

Jaemin on the other hand still remains as oblivious to whatever was going on. He still remained as in love with Renjun as he always was. He still made breakfast for him and sent him sweet texts and kissed him everyday. Jaemin still smiled whenever he thought of Renjun whenever they weren’t together.

 

For Jaemin it was always Renjun.

 

But Renjun no longer thought the same.

 

Renjun smiled as he flipped through the photos Jeno sent him on his phone. Each with a cute message and Jeno pouting. He wanted to call Jeno and hear his beautiful voice but he couldn't. Not when he was with Jaemin right now watching a movie together cuddled up.

 

Well they were supposed to cuddle up but Renjun felt wrong. It wasn’t the same anymore. Not when he wanted Jeno to be in Jaemin’s place holding him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be Jeno here holding him and not Jaemin. And Renjun wanted to end this but everytime Jaemin said he loved Renjun the older boy couldn’t say it. How could he break Jaemin’s heart. One would say that what he was doing now was worse but Renjun was ignoring it.

 

He didn’t want to lose his best friend.

 

And so he stayed with Jaemin that night as the younger boy held him close with one of them feeling content while the other felt like he was suffocating.

 

Jaemin’s life was perfect. He had a loving family, an amazing group of friends, he was studying in his dream school and above all he had Huang Renjun, the love of his life. There was nothing he wanted more in his life. Except for one thing which was Renjun’s happiness. He wanted Renjun to be happy forever. And so once every week he’d buy Renjun’s favourite flowers along with his favourite chocolate cake and gift it to the boy with lyrics that reminded him of Renjun. 

 

It was sappy but that’s what Renjun deserved and so much more.

 

Renjun was supposed to be at the library near his house. He’d be surprised when he would see Jaemin there. He’d blush when Jaemin would give him the gifts and then he’d lightly smack the boy calling him sappy. Then he’d smile and kiss him.

 

Jaemin smiled imagining the whole scene playout before him only to stop when he turned around.

 

He didn’t realise he pulled out his phone and called him until he heard his voice.

 

“Nana?”

 

“Where are you now?”

 

“I’m at the library.”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

Lies. Lies. Lies.

 

He wasn’t at the library. Jaemin was a away from them but he could clearly see it. He knew it was him. He was smiling and his eyes were sparkling the way they did when he was happy. And then he leaned in and kissed the other boy.

 

That was his Renjun kissing someone else and smiling at the other boy like he was the happiest person in this world.

 

Was he crying or was it raining? Why did it feel like someone just ripped out his heart and was crushing it to pieces. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Wait was he even breathing? 

 

On the other side Jeno and Renjun laughed as the walked together not even knowing that Jaemin saw them.

 

Jaemin began to notice the changes. There wasn’t any calls from Renjun. Renjun didn’t look happy when they had dates. There was even less holding hands. Less talks. Less laughing. 

 

There was less being the Renjun and Jaemin they were from before and Jaemin never noticed it.

 

Jaemin was normal. He had to be strong. This was nothing. Renjun was his and he was Renjun’s. Jeno didn’t matter. He was just a passing wind. He was Renjun’s home. Renjun would always come back to him. He came back to him right after laughing with Jeno. He had his toothbrush at Jaemin’s. He ate with Jaemin. He slept with Jaemin. And when they went out with their friends they were still the ones together holding hands.

 

Jeno had to pretend that he wasn’t bothered whenever Jaemin had his arms around Renjun. He had to laugh along with his friends whenever one of them teased the said couple. He should be the one in Jaemin’s place. He didn’t want to hide this anymore and he hated it. He hated it.

 

And like every time Renjun held Jeno’s hands under the table and squeezed it lightly as if to say he was here. He was here with him. 

 

And later when they’d all go home and Jeno would sneak inside Renjun’s house and hold him the older boy would apologise. They’d spend the night in each other’s arm holding on as if to reassure the other that no matter what happened they had each other.

 

That no matter what others said Jeno was Renjun’s and Renjun was Jeno’s.

 

It was fine. This was just a phase. Renjun and Jaemin had been together for three years and that’s how they would be. Renjun was just having a phase.

 

‘A phase.’ Jaemin repeats as he reads the reply Renjun sent him that he couldn’t come over today because he still had his artwork left when Jaemin knew he had submitted it already. It was just a phase right? 

 

It had to be nothing because they knew each other since they were thirteen. Because they loved each other and they were meant to be together. He was Renjun’s home. So Jaemin would go over to Renjun’s house the next morning with his favourites. Morning came and Jaemin walked over holding Renjun’s favourite only to stop as he watched Renjun and Jeno hug like they didn’t want to let each other go.

 

He wasn’t Renjun’s home any longer.

 

Crying was normal for him now. Pretending that Renjun’s lack of ‘I love yous’ wasn’t hurtful or his happiness whenever they are with Jeno wasn’t hurting him. He was losing Renjun.

 

No, he lost Renjun.

 

“Should we tell him?”

 

“I want to. I don’t know how to do that.”

 

“I hate it. I want to be with you in the open Renjun I hate lying and-”

 

“I know. I know.”

 

“What do we do?”

 

“I’ll do it. I promise.”

 

Renjun tried. Every time he tried to tell Jaemin that they should break up he’d freeze. His best friend, his closest friend and he was hurting him and he didn’t know how to tell Jaemin he didn’t love him anymore. It was so hard.

 

Jaemin wanted Renjun to be happy. Renjun’s happiness was Jeno. Jeno just wanted to be with Renjun. It seemed to Jaemin as if in this story he was the villain. But did the villains wake up with a wet pillow because they cried to sleep? Or did they have to bear as they watched the person they love laugh with someone else?

 

He wanted to be angry at Renjun for breaking his trust but all he ever wanted was Renjun’s happiness. How can he be mad at Renjun for wanting to be happy? Even if his happiness was with someone else? Wasn’t he hurting Renjun too? By being selfish and holding on to him even when he saw how desperately the boy tried to let go of him. Jaemin flipped through the polaroids from their high school days smiling softly at how happy they looked. But here was the truth, Renjun smiled more when he was with Jeno. He looked happier when he was with Jeno.

 

And so even if it hurts him he’d have to let Renjun go.

 

When Jaemin said they needed to talk Renjun never expected this.

 

“I think we need to break up.”

 

Renjun blinked.

 

“It’s not the same anymore. We shouldn’t be together anymore. I’m so sorry Renjun.”

 

Jaemin smiled and hugged Renjun one last time trying his best to not cry. He wouldn’t cry in front of Renjun. He wanted to kiss him. But he couldn’t.

 

“Goodbye Renjun.”

 

Renjun didn’t know how he ended up in front of Jeno’s apartment soaking wet. Jeno didn’t know how to react when he saw Renjun stand in front of his door wet from head to toe.

 

“Junnie what-”

 

Renjun broke down on his doorstep. He broke down remembering every moment he had spent with Jaemin for the past five years. He broke down because it felt like just said goodbye to Renjun forever. He lost his friend tonight and it broke him. Renjun didn’t know how to be who he was without Jaemin by his side. And so he cried holding the boy he loved tightly as if that was all that was keeping him from dissolving and Jeno held him close because he needed him now. No matter what it was he’d be here for Renjun no matter what.

 

In another apartment a pink haired boy held a photo frame of two boys laughing and cried his heart out. He lost him.

 

Jeno was cautious around Renjun for the next few days who stayed home alone painting. Donghyuck came over later to talk with Renjun after hearing what happened from Jeno and comforted his friend who cried.

 

Nobody could talk to Jaemin. Not when he left without telling anyone. His parents refused to tell where he went.

 

He didn’t say goodbye.

 

No one knew why Jaemin left except Lee Jeno who got an anonymous letter left on his doorstep. The person didn’t need to sign it for Jeno to know who it was.

 

_ Keep him happy. No matter what. Don’t make him cry.  _

_ And for however long I kept you two apart I apologise. I was selfish. _

_ Be happy. _

 

And so he would.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just saying I do NOT at all approve of cheating. This was purely based on the tweet prompts I saw on my tl on twitter and it's based on that. I adore renmin a lot and it hurt me to write this.  
> Anyways, my twt: @jenjaemrens  
> my curious cat: https://curiouscat.me/Sumaiya

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [let us have you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521155) by [cloudruniere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudruniere/pseuds/cloudruniere)




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